Ok, let’s make this clear…
I am not gonna pretend that I’m the first one to ever write this,
I won’t be the last either …
But I’ve got a feeling it needs to come out.

And how they ruin everything.

You know how people always say: “expect nothing and you won’t be disappointed!”
Well, I call it bullshit!
(side note, I said bullshit in a voice of a man I’m desperately trying to save my relationship with and that made me cry)

See? Expectations.
I expected to write this note and feel better about life and things to come,
yet, it already made me cry.

Life is challenging and I’m trying so hard not to trust in expectations.
But I’m gonna do it differently. Maybe I will grade expectations.

For example:
Grade One: Services

You know? When you pay for the internet guy to come and fix your line and you expect him to show up.

Grade Two: Little Pleasures

When you go to the cinema and you expect the movie to be good.

Grade Three: People and their Actions

This is a very complex one. When you expect certain actions from people. Like you’re waiting for a phone call after a one night stand.

Grade Four: Life

When you expect your life to go in certain direction, but you break your leg and you can’t be a dancer anymore.

I think I just decided, that I only want to have first two grades of expectations and live the rest of my life like a free bird and not care.
But you can’t fucking do that, can you?
I think that somehow would mean that you’re soulless and empty.

So can anyone tell me how not to get hurt when the expectations don’t meet reality not even in the slightest?
That you didn’t expect that much, yet, the reality knocked you down to your knees.

I’m just blabbing here. Full of nonsense. Maybe because I’m dehydrated from all that crying. Maybe because I’m so angry that I expected things. Or maybe because I know it’s gonna be fine, because things could be so so so much worse and I should focus on more gratitude instead.

All I’m saying is that a week ago, I thought I’m gonna be staying in Australia,
yet now I struggle to even stay sane.
There are a lot of decisions I have to make right now.
I had Grade Three human expectations  to help me to save it. Woke up to a blank phone screen.

Fuck, can I go back to high school?
It was so much easier

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