What now?

Yet again this post is very personal.

Everyone loves to read about cool travels and I wanna write about them, trust me! I love writing and travelling, sharing some tiny details that I loved or hated.

Show you the pictures I took (recently mainly on Instagram 😊)

But last months got me so lost. I lost my confidence of things, I lost my purpose when it comes to pretty much any area of my life.

I was in a relationship that challenged me so much and made me question my worth. It was killing my spark day by day and I didn’t notice it until it was so unbearable I had to make my decisions.

I realised love is not enough. And being with somebody who always puts himself first, when all you have is love is fucking exhausting. Trying to give someone all you have and see them taking even more and making you feel you are never enough.

Whatever. Relationships are for you to learn. I’ll get over it.

But it wasn’t just a relationship. It was partially my idea of staying in Australia. I have never planned it, I would never use another human for visa purposes. Absofuckinglutely NOT. But I had no expectations at the beginning and when my heart started growing fonder of him, I started thinking I could see us having this amazing thing maybe for a bit longer.

Unfortunately as I went to a lawyer to see what are my options of staying in a country that I love so much – they were extremely limited. But what if I can just stay in love that will allow me to stay in Australia?

Long story short, it’s not an option anymore. So how can I live my life and built anything without knowing if I will even be able to stay in Oz next year?

I have my friends in here that are my family, I’m so happy here!

How can I not live in a borderline anxiety about the future when I have no idea what’s gonna happen?

It’s been eating me alive so much, I can barely remember how it is to have any type of stability.

This is why I need to step back and clear my head. I need to learn to give up the ideas of the ‘past’ and the ‘future’ and just give my best at ‘now’.

Fall in love with life. Again and again. Fucking hell, I’ve been so sad for so long I need to find the spark and set everything on fire again.

I’ve got plans. I’m not giving up just yet.

I will detox myself from last months and you watch me come back smarter and more determined. I can and I will.

Just need to focus on that.

And also beer helps too … ; )

My social media are gonna be the tools I will give up for at least couple of weeks to try to find again what else do I have to offer.

I’m hoping I will surprise myself.

Fingers crossed I guess …

Side note… why is it so hard to let go of something that was making you so unhappy? Like what the hell?! 😭

You know… asking for a friend …

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